On Tuesday I ventured with 4 other students to a massage parlor. While looking online we sifted through many places of suspect and while the name “Love Story” seemed worrisome, we discovered that it was about as nice as they come this side of Hangzhou. As we journeyed through the city we discovered that our cab driver was uninterested in taking cash. After a thorough argument and many WeChat translates, he reluctantly took our crisp 30 RMB.
As we emerged from the elevator, of a very nice hotel, we entered a serene room. I realized that my gross, water logged Birkenstocks were inappropriate for the occasion. I followed the only other woman in the group to the locker room where an elderly woman was waiting for us. She motioned for us to strip off our clothes and to enter a shower. Post rinse we laid on tables to be exfoliated by even older women. Their gloved hands scrubbed our skin until it glowed red like the outside of a pomegranate. We were then left to make our way through a dark maze to the massage room.
Realizing that were lost, or stupid, a kind bartender found us and led us to the room in which we belonged. After a quick *knock*knock*knock* the door was pushed open to reveal 3 white asses and 3 Chinese women working diligently on our male companions. After finding our tables, us women folk sat down to enjoy snacks set for us. The watermelon grazed my lips and reminded me of my thirst. As I raised the mug to my mouth I realized that the contents inside were not tea but hot oil, luckily it only grazed my upper lip.
During the massage I recognized that the masseuse was using heavy pressure but I did not understand the extent. As I peered over at my friends I noticed that their masseuses were literally straddling them as they worked into their shoulders. That fate was mine next. I groaned as she pinched and pushed into my deep muscles. Nearing the end, hot stones were brought and raked into my skin like dull knives. Flipping over to reveal my stomach, she began to push on my abdomen. I had to use every muscle in my lower half to prevent peeing all over the table. And for only 350RMB this experience can be yours too.
P.S. My body still aches from this massage, 3 days later